Those Rose Colored Glasses
Hello Friends, I want to share a personal insight today that isn’t easy to talk about. It’s an insight that I’m going to call “Take The Damn Rose Colored Glasses Off.” Let me first say, that my life up until this point, has been an interesting one. Full of unique experiences, both mystical and mundane. As someone who considers themselves overwhelmingly empathic, I have often come across individuals who have captivated me, but who have been the “Anti” of that empathic energy. Can you see where this is going yet? I bet some of you can, thus the motto “Take The Damn Rose Colored Glasses Off” will make sense, before I’ve even begin sharing
Empathic Intelligence
People who have empathic intelligence face a daunting challenge; It’s not easy to resist things that are are wounded. They like to try comfort others, who by their own accord project energy that is calling for an empathic touch. This can either be done consciously or unconsciously by the individual in question. Yet after falling into this situation many times in my life, I have learned that you cannot “heal” a wound that isn’t yours to heal. To make an attempt, will only resort in pain, suffering, and a whole lot of stress. Therefore, in my opinion, the best course of action is to, “Take The Damn Rose Colored Glasses Off” before you get too entangled.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be helpful to others, but there should be a limit to to the extent which you are willing to commit your energy.
Learning The Hard Lesson
Being in my mid 30s, I can honestly say It took me some time to learn this lesson. In my case, I have always been drawn to the “bad girls”, the girls who can captivate you with a smile or grin, but who also have a lot of wounds. If they weren’t the typical “bad girl”, then they were women who were overly physically attractive, often using their beauty to compensate for their deep emotional wounds.
These type of women, would often gravitate towards me because of how genuinely nice I am. Yet what usually took place over time would be a total lack of a true appreciation for me, which would result in deep feelings of unworthiness on my part. I usually would end up feeling subhuman. Sure they would tell me how much they appreciated me, but their actions would contradict their words. Actions always speak louder than words….. Always.
Those Damn Rose Colored Glasses
The most extreme of these interactions, came from someone who I’ve considered one of my closest friends. This is someone, whom for years I’ve attempted to comfort through a wide array of her chaotic situations. When she thought she wasn’t attractive enough, I would make sure to let her know how beautiful she was, both physically and as a soul. When she couldn’t sleep at night, there would be times when I would stay on the phone with her until almost 4 AM until she could sleep. When she needed to rant about a shitty ex, I would listen and comfort her to the best of my ability.
When I knew she wasn’t feeling well, I would send her a text to check on her. Additionally I always wished her Happy Birthday, as well as all of the major holidays. When we would get into stupid arguments, I would always be the one to apologize. I openly accepted her as she was, even when she did shitty things, and believe you me she certainly did some over the years. When she choose to twist something I said, to make her appear to be a victim, I let that go. Can you see the issue here? Yup….. all because I wouldn’t “Take The Damn Rose Colored Glasses Off”.
A number of times I shared some of my best writing pieces with her, which have always been unique expressions of myself. Hell, I wrote her poetry, to express how much I cared about her. Yet in all those years, she not once truly appreciated it. If I would semi joke with her, and indicate that I thought this in some way. She would lash out at me, saying things like “If you don’t feel loved or appreciated, you can leave the friendship.” Or she would make an excuse for her behavior, and make it seem like I was too sensitive or was overacting.
It Gets Better…..
On more than one occasion she told me how much she loved it when someone else she knew in the past did the things, that I did.
For example, she told me once (sometime after I had shared multiple writing pieces with her), that one of her old boyfriends used to write little paragraphs for her at night and she loved reading them when she woke up in the morning. Yet, when it came to our friendship, she always wanted the appreciation to be unspoken. “I think I appreciate you, more than I like to admit”, she once said to me. Little phrases like that, just left me feeling empty inside, wondering why someone would have such a cold opinion towards me “You Think….” This was after years of “friendship”.
She would also tell me how she wanted to get together and catch up. As soon as I would alter my plans to do so, she would change her mind or flake on me. Often telling me later on, how she ended up going out with someone else, during the same period. Once again, if I asked her why she always did that to me, she would usually say “You’re overreacting”. Or another one of my favorites, “You’re taking it personally, but I can see why…”
She once even asked if I wanted to see one of her nude videos , and then later on that night, asked if I had gotten off to it…. A year later in reference to that same video, she told me she thought it was inappropriate that I had a “Random” nude of her…….. The same “Random” video that she sent me….
I once bought her a Witch Ball, and when I told her I had gotten her one, because I thought she would like it. She told me she was crying over it, because it was so sweet. Of course she made me hold onto it for over a year, before finally letting me mail it to her. Once she got it, I didn’t even get a thank you. In fact I had to ask her if it arrived in one piece. At its best can you say, Forrest Gump / Jenny friendship. At its worst…. Well the picture is bleak.
Lesson Learned
I could continue on but I won’t, and you may be wondering why I would put myself through all of this. The truth is, I’m not sure, but I can only say that her and I had a lot of laughs and wonderful conversations as well. To this day I don’t even have any bad feelings towards her, and I wish her well going forward on her journey.
However, after going through all of this, I can honestly say, I should have taken off my rose colored glasses much sooner. But if I had, I would of not learned such a valuable lesson. Empathic people beware, don’t let anyone make you feel like crap for being nice. At the same time guard your energy because there are a lot of wounded people out there. Overall, it may have taken me some time, but I’m glad a valuable lesson was learned.
